What I really need is
by Ayanami Chie Wakana
Summary: What I really need... what is it that I really need? What is it that I'm looking for? What is it that I will find? Written when I was being emo and sensitive...so Angst was a really good choice to release it all...


**I'm feeling a little emo-ish nowadays so I decided to write this (obviously) emo one-shot… and this would have been submitted earlier if it wasn't for my dumbass of a brother… he rewrote the whole emo stuff and replaced it with fluffy, happy things… ICK.**

**Anyway, the ones italics are what she thinks and the ones that are normal are the story… and the bolded ones are her flashback/dream…**

**So… let's just move on to the disclaimer…**

**Disclaimer: I don't feel like saying this… you already know this right? Yeah? Good…**

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><p>I was once again sent to the nurse office after getting bullied by those popular group from school… Miss Yowane, the school nurse looked at me with eyes of pity.<p>

_Don't look at me like that… I don't need your pity… what I need is only one… _

My mom shook her head in disappointment. She held my report card in front of my face.

"Do you expect me to be proud with this kind of results?" she sighed and ripped the report card into two, and just dumped it in the dust bin.

"Next time work harder! Do you get that?" she yelled from her room. I silently nodded.

_But I don't need success… what I need is only one…_

I was just walking to class, when suddenly I was pushed back and I fell on the floor. I looked up to see my everyday bully, Hatsune Miku along with her friends.

"Where are you going without giving us entertainment?" she said. I kept my blank face. She frowned and started to kick my legs. I didn't let out a sound. I just kept quiet, letting her torment me to her heart's content.

"Next time beg for your safety, loser!" she said leaving me on the cold floor.

_I don't need to beg… what I need is only one…_

Today, a boy transferred to my class. His name was Kagamine Len. I didn't care about it, until I figured out he was sitting next to me. He's been trying to talk to me a few times today, seeing as he had all his classes with me. He keeps following me around and trying to make me respond to him, but of course, I didn't…

It was lunch time and he asked that would it be okay if he sat with me… I would've said no… but he was a new student and I need to be nice to new students….

"Don't you have any friends?" he asked while we were just sitting behind the school building, it was the only place I was safe from those bullies. I stopped eating and didn't move.

"Well?" he asked. I quietly shook my head.

"Why?" he asked.

_Because I don't need any friends… what I need is only one…_

It's been a month since Len had transferred here, and he was still trying to make me talk to him… he even declined Hatsune's invitation to sit with them, and sat with me behind the school building.

"Say… why won't you say anything? I've never heard or even seen you talking to anyone…" he said ruffling his messy blonde hair that was put in a small, tight ponytail. I stopped eating and didn't move. He never questioned me why, so why does he question it now? I simply shook my head.

"So you won't tell me, huh…" he said leaning against the wall.

_Because I don't need to say anything… what I need is only one…_

I was walking towards the gate to go home, with Len… he insisted that he would walk me home today. It's been about three month since Len transferred and I have to say, my life has gotten less lonely… and the bullies had lessened his activities… But still,

_I don't need his company… what I need is only one…_

"**LOOK!LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" my father yelled at me. I flinched and tightened my grip on the hem of my shirt. I was no older than 12 years old at that time. I bit my lips. **

"**BECAUSE OF YOU, I WAS FIRED… AGAIN!" he continued and that just made my lower my head more. Suddenly, my father had griped my neck and held my up. I was losing my air supply by every second.**

"**I-I'm s-sorry, dad…" I chocked out.**

"**SORRY? SORRY? SORRY DOESN'T CUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD MADE ME LOSE MY JOB FOR THE FIFTH TIME ALREADY!" he continued screaming, but I didn't – more like couldn't – hear him anymore… suddenly, everything went black, even darker than the night sky.**

I woke up from that horrible memory, panting and sweating. I sat up and looked at the clock. 4:38. It was still way to early. I hugged myself and breathed slowly. Why did I have to remember such a horrible memory… I looked up and once again, put an emotionless face.

_I don't need this dream… what I need is only one…_

It was Monday morning and I was walking to school. I realized that today was the fifth month that Len had transferred to my school. I was walking in the hallways as usual, having all the girls glare at me every step I took. Suddenly, I was pushed back… The normal routine…

"What is so special about you that Len likes so much!" Hatsune screamed at me. I just kept silent and shrug.

"How dare you don't answer me!" she said kicking me in the stomach. I widen my eyes as I felt pain shoot through my body… sure, I've been kicked at the legs, the sides and the hands, but never the stomach. I coughed and I quickly clamp my mouth, my eyes still wide. She kicked me a few more times in the same place. I could feel the taste of iron in my mouth. I coughed one more time and this time, I coughed up blood. Hatsune's friends that were just staring widen they're eyes when they how much blood I coughed up.

"WHY? WHY? WHY WON'T HE LOVE ME? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO LOVE YOU?" she screamed, crying and struggling to get out of her friends, Kasane Teto and Masuda Lily's grip. I just lay there unmoving and panted hard. I don't understand what she's saying… who is it she's talking about…?

"What happened?" I heard a familiar voice shout. A boy with blonde hair pushed himself into the circle that the crowd made. He saw me and widen his eyes. His eyes were instantly filled with anger and fury, seeing the blood and my woundes. He looked at Hatsune.

"Did you do this?"

Hatsune stopped struggling and let out a laugh. A madman's laugh.

"I did it all for you…" she said, giggling like a madman

Len's eyes was showing pure hatred and wrath, but dismissed the girl. The girl that had lost her sanity…

He picked me up bridal style and ran to the nurse office. I just let him do what he wanted.

_I don't need your help… what I need is only one…_

I have been in the hospital for a few weeks now… and I'll be able to leave tomorrow… but in reality, I just want to stay here… this place is even peaceful than where I came from… But still,

_I don't need any of this… what I need is only one…_

My mom died today… she was in a car accident… many of her friends and my relatives came to the funeral. They all cried, except for me… I still put my blank face even though I felt like crying. I never felt like this before… I felt the urge to hug my uncle, Uncle Kaito back while he was hugging me, and cry on his shoulder, what I used to do when I was little.

_But I can't… I don't need to… what I need is only one…_

Ever since that day, I became Len's adopted sister… since his family, which was surprisingly a family friend, had volunteered to take care of me… still, I never showed any emotion around them and everybody else…

_Because, I don't need to… what I need is only one…_

I am finally allowed to go back to school. I found out that Miku was sent to an asylum because she had already lost her mind… I walked together with Len… it was quite surprising when no one glared at me – some even greeted me… I felt that something was different… I only sighed and continued walking along with Len.

"How are you doing?" I looked ahead and saw Masuda and Kasane, the ex-best friends of Hatsune, standing in front of me and Len with a small yet regret-filled smile. I was about to open my mouth and answer but remembered,

_I don't need this… what I need is one, and only one…_

After a few weeks being in school again, everyone started talking to me, like I was a popular girl, trying to make me respond… I didn't even eat behind the school anymore, instead, I ate in the cafeteria at Masuda and Kasane's table, in other words, the popular group's table. I became tired of it… with the questions, laughs, giggles, gossips and everything… I feel like I'm losing my mind… like Hatsune did… but the thought of Hatsune made shivers run up my spine. But I don't need it.

_That's right… I have nothing I need except one…_

_**That is…**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**DEATH…**_

I sat on the floor, in the center of my room, took a knife and aimed it to my chest. I was about to push it but there was banging on my door… I decided to ignore it and continue what I was about to do…

***BANG ***

Len had opened open the door by kicking it down… I completely forgot that he is a karate black-belter… I stared at him emotionlessly. He saw what I was holding and found out what I was going to do. He looked down for a second. In a swift movement, he was hugging me… I didn't struggle or anything… he took the knife away from my chest and hugged me tighter. I still kept an emotionless face.

"Why did you want to do it?" he asked

And for the first time since the incident when I was 12 years old, I talked…

"Because I wanted to… No… Because I NEEDED to…" I said. He pulled me closer to him.

"What made you think that you needed it? Wouldn't that just make people that cared about you sad?" he asked. Suddenly, I remembered my uncle and aunt, Uncle Kaito, the one from the funeral and Aunt Meiko… she couldn't attend the funeral that time since she was on a business trip abroad…

**Always remember that we love you, even though your parents don't, okay? **They had said to me once… I felt tears sting my eyes… But I still held it in…

"Wouldn't that just make ME sad?" Len said to me. I widen my eyes. H-He cared for me… yet, I've always thought I didn't need it….

"Wouldn't it make you, yourself sad…" Len continued sadly

"I-I…" I tried to say but tears were already rolling down my cheek. I was sobbing and I've never felt so free in my life…

"It's okay… I'll always be with you, RIN…" Len said pulling me even closer. I slowly hugged him back and sobbed into his chest. I've always thought the wrong thing… THIS is what I actually needed…

"I love you… Rin…" he said

"I-I… I love you too… Len…" I said between sobs

My name was Akita Rin, the girl that was hated by her own parents… I am the ex-loser in school, I am the ex-no.1 bully victim, I am the ex-student that goes to the nurse office the most, I am the ex-anti-social in school and I'm the ex-emotionless girl…

My name is now Kagamine Rin, the girlfriend to the famous boy in school, Kagamine Len… I am now the most popular girl in school, I am now the kindest girl to bully victims, I am now the girl that goes to the nurse office the least, I am now the most social and active girl in school and I am now a girl swirling with emotions…

_And I've found what I really needed… _

_**That is…**_

_**Someone for me to love and someone to care for me… and that person is and will always be…**_

_**My one and only love, Kagamine Len…**_

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><p><strong>Oh wow… I actually succeeded in making a happy ending for this one-shot in my emo-ish state…<strong>

**Well… I guess… review and tell me what you think…**

**And about the confession part, I just slipped it in the middle so I wouldn't miss that part… even though I feel so emo I still write a tiny, tiny, tiny, TINY, TINY, **_**TINY **_**bits of Romance in this one-shot… I can't avoid from writing Romance genre at all, can I? Oh well… *shrugs ***

**So… **

**Review please…(excuse my emo self… I can't help it… my mood swings come at the worst moments… *facepalm *)**

**~Sayumi**


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